Dear Scumbag Scammer:

Are you a moron or do you think I am? As much as a financial windfall would be welcome, and needed, there is no freaking way I am falling for this. I will not be contacting you to make financial arrangements to collect the proceeds from the estate of, my long lost and, nonexistent relative.  Here is some career advice. Get a real job. OK, I can see why you find that proposition laughable given that real jobs are few and far between.  Stop right there. Don’t even think about it. There are plenty of scams already out there preying on the unemployed; besides, they don’t have any serious money.  You need to think bigger; like right up there with a health care insurance system that works for the consumers and providers.


Read the newspaper; oh— you may no longer have one where you live. Watch the news; oops— another bad idea, knowing what Lindsay Lohan is up to isn’t going to pay the bills. Well what do you expect? It is far more profitable to hire people who can crank out crap like this than waste valuable time doing any real reporting. Perhaps you can still take that boosted internet access and put it to better use. Go on line and do a little digging. Wikipedia is the lazy choice, do some real research. Pretend you are a real journalist; yes, it is a dying breed and doesn’t pay shit, but you can overlook that for fame and glory.   You have the time and you will feel important, work with me here.


Once you have uncovered the criminal geniuses behind our economic crisis do a little more reading. Check out their earnings and bonuses over the last couple of years. Now are you ready to match wits with these guys?  Do us all a favor and put your scamming efforts to good use. Go after these guys. You are going to have to come up with something far more sophisticated than the long lost relative gambit. Perhaps you can organize your fellow scammers and work together. If social media can help to overthrow despots in Egypt, it seems possible you can screw with those who have wreaked havoc on the rest of us.


 Give it your best shot; I will be rooting for you.


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